Everyday

What would you find if you dropped by my house unannounced? Chances are you'd find me still in my pajamas if you're at our house any day before fist nap unless we have a morning appointment, we'll be on the floor in the playroom working on this weeks physical therapy homework, reading or just playing, Sprout will be on the TV (because I need background noise and occasionally it catches their attention and I'm okay with that), baby food on the high chairs, there's a couch filled with laundry, dishes in the sink, I'll have at least 5 missed calls and several unread texts or notifications, chances are the dogs need to be walked and I smell of faintly (okay strongly) of vomit. Why? Because every day I take care of a medically complex child, and egads he is a twin. And that twin has a heart defect and hernias and he's not even the complicated one. Welcome to my life.

This is my every day. Every. Single. Day.

• Every day I hit "continue" on Hunter's feeding pump at least 12 times a day because it malfunctions for no good reason.
• Every day we change the tape on Hunter's face while he screams. One of us holds him down and the other one tapes. The older he gets the more he yanks at it so changing the tape daily helps prevent having to drop the tube daily, but usually for one reason or another despite our efforts the tube comes out during the day.
• Every day I mix formula, thaw breast milk, offer solids and give medications.
• Every day I laugh because my tiny humans can be so funny. Their cartoons can be too.
• Every day I attempt to feed a child who hates to be fed and then wonder if I'm failing said child.
• Every day numerous times a day I am soaked with vomit, I really wish I could tell you why but 8 months later your guess is as good as mine.
• Every day I kiss Taylor good morning, sometimes its when we wake up but usually it's when he's coming home from work.
• Every day I remind myself to cherish the little moments.
• Every day I answer questions, defend and try to explain something I don't even understand and sometimes I don't have the energy. Forgive me, it's not you. I'm so mentally tired.
• Every day I go out of my way to show John affection because I feel guilty that Hunter takes up alot of time and attention. I've even gotten them off of the napping at the same time schedule to ensure that John gets enough mommy time.
• Every day we blow raspberries.
• Every day I do hard things.

And every day, despite every hard thing is a gift because every night I say goodnight and kiss the two miracle boys who I prayed so hard and fought so hard for. And we sleep for a while, then at 7AM Hunter starts beeping and we do it all again.

Oh and most days.

• Most days I load up two babies and medical supplies in the car alone for an appointment, a play date, to go to the grocery store or to run errands. Because we still have to function like normal people, even if it takes a little extra work.
• Most days we make sure to keep quiet because daddy is sleeping off the 12 hour shift from the night before.
• Most days when the boys are napping I sneak in bed with Taylor and give him a cuddle.
• Most days I'm emailing or calling one of our various doctors asking questions that I don't have energy for and if I'm not calling or emailing usually 2-3 times a week I'm driving across town to meet with a doctor.
• Most days I cry, because 8 months in and we still have little to no answers. 
• Most days I forget to eat until nearly dinner time because I simply do not have time. So all of you who have complemented my weight. Well there's my secret. Now go get me a hamburger I'm hungry. Thank you.
• Most days somehow we manage to get out and take a walk because John and Hunter love outside,
• Most days I snake a tube down my baby's nose and into his belly.
• Most days I take 10 million pictures and blow up instagram and facebook with my super cute kids. You know you love it.

And most days I ask for prayers, and our loving support system delivers. You know how I know this? Because my boys are proof of the power of prayer and most days I forget to thank all of you. So thank you, really.

So sometimes I can be crabby and I can be snappy, I'm sorry. And I know I've been a terrible friend. Seldom do I answer my phone to anyone other than a doctor or my husband  and it can literally take me days to text back. But before you pass judgment on those things, can you cut me a little slack? I like so many other moms am stretched so thin day in and day out. And all this is not to say that being a mom of a medically complex child or a twin mom that I have it hard or harder. Being a mom to one healthy baby, two sick babies or 5  big kids is hard, It takes all of you, every day. But it also fills you with love, it puts a smile on your face, and warmth in your heart.

Being a mom is worth it,  every day. 

Until next time,
Momma D
XOXO