NOvember

From the outside looking in (via social media) I have it all together. But my best friend after spending a weekend with us could tell you (though she wouldn’t lol) that I definitely don’t. There are dishes in my sink, my kids don’t always listen, I’m always in a rush and seriously let’s not even talk about the horrors that live in the back seat of my mini van. But lately most of all I am overwhelmed and I am out numbered. 

Recently there’s been some pretty big changes in my life. Mostly with the dynamics of our “village”. If you are lucky enough to have a villiage then you understand how vital these people are in your life and the lives of your children. All these changes happened at the end of September/beginning of October. To start things off my husband is back on night shifts, most being 12 hour shifts 10:30PM-10:30AM. So that translates to, “hi here’s some food” then he’s off to bed about mid morning when he gets home from his commute and “hey get up and help me out the kids to bed” around 8PM then he’s eating, getting ready and out the door. If you recall we did this the first two years of the boys lives as well so we’re no strangers to this life but it doesn’t make it any easier. We miss him, Hunter’s been especially feeling the weight of this lately. This makes he day and a half we get with him each week precious. But I couldn’t be more thankful for a man who works hard and sacrifices so that I can stay home with my babies and so that we never have to go without. 

About the time Taylor made the transition to nights, his mom and stepdad who have always been so hands on and helpful took a job that would require them to travel and be away all but a few days a month. That’s still a huge adjustment for us (and them) as we normally see them at least two times a week and since they moved to the area they’ve been there every time we’ve called (even when Taylor needed a tire at 2AM on the other side of town). But we’re so happy for them that they get to experience different parts of the country, which is something they’ve always wanted. Then both of my little sisters (who are still in school)started their first jobs. So suddenly all my help was gone and there I was at the beginning of the busy and fun holiday season and I because I’m supermom I was gonna do it all even without an extra set of hands. 

October came and I went on business as usual. Except that I was/am alone with 3 kids the better part of 6 days a week. We always have lots of doctors appointments in October because so many of the specialists that follow the boys want to see them “in one year”. Going to the doctors office alone with 3 kids 1 time is enough to make someone need a stiff drink but several times in one month, phew. But still l did it all. I went to all the festivals. I did all the trunk or treats. The boys started tball this fall. I didn’t say no to anyone or anything because come hell or high water my kids would have a magical October. And maybe they did. But it didn’t dawn on me until Halloween night they even if it had been magical I was just to drained to notice. After Halloween I sat down in my bed, and thought to myself “man I’m glad Halloween is over”. Then that thought really struck me. ME?! I was glad Halloween was over?! Anyone who knows me knows I consider myself a holiday season enthusiast. And I go through a mini depression when January comes and the holiday magic has come to an end. So seriously, wishing away a holiday is not the Lora way, and yet there I was.

That night it dawned on me. My worth as a mother is not defined by our calendar or the events we attend. They’re kids, I don’t have to make life fun they do that for themselves. Saying no not this time when invited somewhere doesn’t mean that the boys will miss out on something because nine times of ten they don’t even know. There is joy in the simple things. We don’t have to do everything. I’m tired. So this month, I’m going to rest. And I’m going to say no. And THAT’S OKAY. 

This is a hard stage of life. It’s a busy stage of life. But it’s also a magical and beautiful stage of life. Never again will I have these four year old little boys and this almost 1 year old little girl as young and as perfect as they are today. So in November I am not saying yes to everything. If it’s something that I don’t think I will enjoy with all the kids then it’s a no. I want to slow down and truly enjoy this season with them. Because if I’m not happy somewhere then I’m not giving them all of myself that they deserve. 

Until next time,

Momma D

XOXO