Peace.

It's hard to remember before yesterday the last time I didn't leave the doctor with some sort of anxiety or worry, and God did it feel SO good. Once a week I get dressed like a normal person, put shoes on, load both my hospital bag (just in case) and a bunch of anxiety into the car and we head downtown to visit one of my two doctors. This week was my perinatoligst for my every other week ultrasound. I have a love hate relationship with ultrasound appointments, I love seeing my babies but those appointments tend to be where the bad news has come from so I tend to be a bit on edge until the words "okay you can go home" are spoken. I'm especially antsy when we have an hour plus wait past our appointment time, which is usually the case.

I tapped my foot, peed a million times, played on my phone and waited and waited. Finally it was our turn! I held my breath as my doctor pushed low and hard on my pelvic bone trying to get a measure on my difficult and tiny cervix. John has him self wedged so tightly and so low (which is no news to me, I'm pretty sure if he wanted he could wave "hi" to us) that the little dude is acting like a cork! She finally got him wiggled enough to get a measurement and I never thought I'd hear these words "there was no cervical change this week we are still a 1.86". HOLY COW! I've spent weeks crying over my body failing them, so to hear that in the last two weeks there was no shortening is a massive weight off of my shoulders.

Now if that wasn't news enough, it gets better. Between May and June John had a rapid delay in development which caused a red flag for concern. He's stayed a steady 10 days behind but growing so we were happy with it. His placenta doesn't give him all of then nutrients it should which is what caused the delay, just another "my body is failing them" melt down. Part of the reason I've been on bed rest has been to increase the blood flow to his placenta to try and boost the function, low and behold it worked! Our tiniest little dude is now only 2 days developmentally behind! I'm pretty sure I cried a little in the doctors office, which is totally not a first.

We walked out of the doctors office and down to the valet to pick up our car with huge smiles. This is what it felt like, peace. I'd forgotten. We didn't call our parents with the latest concern or worry on the way instead we enjoyed the rest of Taylor's last off day of the week together. What a relief! Now I'm a prime example of how quickly things can take a turn down scary street so I know that we are by no means out of the woods. We've spent the last several weeks mentally preparing for the early arrival of our guys, who may or may not have bought themselves some more time in casa my uterus. Only time will tell. But at this point they are at low risk for any type of long term complication and we are taking things as they come. So bed rest lives on but we are slowly getting things together at home. My hospital bag has transitioned into "birthing mode" instead of "potential hospital bed rest mode", their bedroom is one shelf away from completion, we've started ordering our last few baby must haves, Taylor's been cleaning the nooks and cranys of our house and there are two infant sleepers hanging out of my side of the bed. Talk about surreal! Just a few more weeks and we get to meet these guys.

These two lovely ladies are my sisters (can you tell?) who I've spoken so highly of all summer. They go back to school next week so today is our last mid week summer hang out and I'm not sure whose more down about it, me or them. They've been a huge help to us this summer and I couldn't be more grateful for the time that they've sacrificed to help keep my home functioning. Plus I really can't complain about the company, I happen to adore my little sisters. Good thing they wont be gone long, they're spending the night with us next weekend to celebrate Katie's birthday a little early in case John and Hunter surprise us so she doesn't bet lost in the crazyness.

Until next time,
Momma D
XOXO