Mother's Day

Last year we spent Mother's Day in my old explorer bound for Orlando Florida we had just kicked off our big vacation. My mind raced thinking of how I would finally go to Disney World for the first time the next day there are few things that I've been more excited for. But no matter how excited I was I couldn't fight back the ache. At that point we'd almost hit our one year mark of trying to conceive our first child and just a few months before we had officially stepped into the world of infertility. I won't lie, there were tears shed on that car ride. I couldn't fight my hurt I couldn't fight my jealousy no matter how much I wanted to meet Mickey Mouse.

Being on the other side this year, it's surreal. My heart hurts for each of my ttc sisters and the infertility warriors all over the world. I know their pain, and I wish I could take it from all of them. I know it feels like every "my kids love me so much", "best mom in the world" shot out is a stab in the chest. But I'm here to say, keep fighting and never give up because even though it doesn't feel like it there will come a day that you're on the other side of Mother's Day. This battle is hard, but God gives it to his strongest worriers, and I know for a fact that its a battle worth it with the ultimate reward. After we had lost Bump I was so sure I would spend this day in bed, sobbing and drowning my sorrows in some white wine. Or vodka, ya know. Just being completely honest here.

When I sat down to write this, I didn't imagine I would be in tears. Not until this moment did I realize how emotional this day is for me. Never did I imagine I would be ordering a sprite a Olive Garden along side my husband in celebration. This year, I feel like the luckiest mommy alive. Somehow this day I dreaded more than anything became happiness for me. I don't know what I did to deserve these beautiful miracles but I cherish them and will for the rest of my life. 

And of course I am thankful for another year with both of these women. Nana and Gigi to be. I couldn't imagine how boring my life would be without my mom just around the corner to tell me her advice on the latest herbal method to help any given situation, or more recently sending me countless pictures of baby animals just to annoy me. And though we've had our rough patches as every "mother daughter" does, I wouldn't trade my mom or the day's I've had with her for anyone else. My mother in law is teaching me everyday what it is to be the mom of boys, loving them unconditionally through all the bumps in the road. And she's opened her heart to me from the day we met. I'm so thankful to call not one but both of them mom. 

For those of you who've lost your mom I don't know how to write to you. I know infertility I have lived that pain. I could not imagine your pain. My heart goes out to you this weekend too. 

Finally to close things out my 14 week chalk board photo. I looked at this and asked Taylor "Am I really that big already or did the picture put on some size" he just laughed at me. Wonder what that means? My belly button has started popping out, within hours of taking my belly button ring out there was a difference, I think my butterfly was holding it back. My feet have started swelling, so my doctor recommended cutting back on the salt intake. It's seeming to work, and I've had some unexplained itching, so hopefully the new laundry detergent does the trick to kick that. The call has been made that between 36-37 weeks I the boys will be born via a scheduled c-section (God willing we make it to the scheduled). The choice was mine after much research and careful consideration I feel like it's the best choice for us. It was a call I wanted to make early so that I could have peace about delivery. My doctor and Taylor aswell as our families back the choice 100%. I'm feeling really good these days, I never thought we would make it this far and I can't believe that by this time next year we will be celebrating mothers day with our boys in hand.

Until next time,
Momma D
XOXO